The Moment I Chose Me

"Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy. There's going to be stress in life, but it's your choice whether you let it affect you or not. "
― Valerie Bertinelli

Zara Moto Jacket (similar/similar) | Twik Floral Top from Simons (similar/similar)
Zara Shorts (similar/similar) | Jimmy Choo Shoes (here/here)
Ray Ban Aviators (here/here)

Me

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I'm pretty sure most of us had a time in their life, or maybe even currently still do, when they made their choices based on what everyone else wanted or thought. I know we all do it to some extent but I feel like at some point in everyone's lives, they've made choices soley on other peoples thoughts or ideas.

I used to be that person. I always did things I knew would please people or make decisions knowing that I would be unhappy but at least the other person was happy. And honestly, that life is so draining and unsatisfying. Why buy clothes just because someone say it looks good or not on you? Why make the same choices your friends makes - like having to go to a party or being friends or not with a certain person? Why hide a passion you love because everyone else thinks you'll be a failure? Or even worse, why be in a relationship knowing you're completely unhappy?

I made all these terrible decisions and choices because I was scared - scared to be who I wanted to be, scared to lose my friends, scared to be alone and scared to hurt the people around me.




Seeing Past The Scary

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It wasn't until I met Israel that I decided to choose me. I was in a relationship I was unhappy in but I was scared to be alone. I was comfortable and I had someone. But when I started to get to know Israel, I found someone who was more interested in me rather than playing video games online with their friends. And then came in all these flooded feelings - scared of hurting someone else and choosing to make a better choice for myself, scared of being alone because it didn't mean I had a future with Israel and scared that I would be making all the wrong choices and ending up in a mess. But how would I know?! How could I possibly know I could be happier?!

So I did it. And it killed me on the inside to be the bad guy. To tell someone it wasn't working. That I wanted to work on me being happy. But from that point on, I started to finally find the happy me. I started to choose friendships that weren't toxic to me - people who didn't make me feel like shit about myself or the choices I made. I started to wear heels because I always loved the idea of heels but hated the idea of being taller than my significant other, I started buying clothes that I loved and felt good in. I started The Cassie Paige and stopped caring what people would think of it or me. I made all these little changes in life that made me happier because I started doing more things that I loved for myself.

And I don't regret a single thing.


Don't get me wrong, I will still go out of my way to do something that will make Israel, my friends or my family happy. But it's all about give and take. And that's what I lacked before. I was always giving everything my all and expecting nothing in return. And I am beyond glad that I was able to move past that and finally find what makes me the happiest.



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- The Cassie Paige
Photos by Israel